Is This Gay?

I just found this old IM convo from about a year ago. It made me LOL, perhaps you will also.

Mac : haha yeah i saw that
Philippe : yeah its great
Mac : im watching the announcment now [Macworld '08]
Mac : i need ilfe now
Philippe : did you watch the demo?
Philippe : my dad ordered it today
Mac : ilife
Mac : ok
Philippe : calm down
Mac : so this weekend
Mac : i will ave it?
Philippe : hopefully
Mac : lets install it on our computers together
Mac : it will be gay
Philippe : alright
Philippe : then lets whack each other off
Mac : and film it and edit it on the new imovie
Philippe : yeah
Philippe : then post it on our .mac gallery
Mac : hell yeah

Thesaurus? Where We're Going, We Don't Need A Thesaurus

Sometimes, between trapping and neutering feral cats and donating plasma, I get bored. I'm only human. In such circumstances I turn to the one friend who will always be there: Dick Cheyney. We're old friends, long story.

"Hey, Phil-dawg, grab me a PBR wouldya?"

In times of boredom I turn to the following places:

LA Times Daily Crossword

USA Today Daily Crossword
Dictionary.com Daily Crossword
LemonParty (For when I'm feeling really crazy)

It turns out I'm pretty damn good at crossword puzzles. Though I've noticed I get disproportionately worse as the week goes on. This may be due to my equally disproportionate increase in ketamine intake as the week goes on, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the editors save their "A" game for Fridays.

In any case, I rule at crosswords and here's the proof:

Update:

I still rock.

Updated Update:

That makes 3 today, for those of you keeping score.

Further Proof Japan > America

Japan has devised an ingenious way to store the hundreds of thousands of bikes that populate their largest cities. They've built this giant robotic bicycle parking garage, or as I like to call it, the coolest fucking thing ever built. It cost $67M and can house up to 9,400 bikes at a time.

All the technical details are in the video, but it's the stuff they don't mention which gets me thinking.

Japan has clearly mastered all other technology? How else would they have so much time to pump into a glorified bike rack? It's really only a matter of days until those 9,400 bikes transform into a giant harbinger of death and reign terror upon lesser nations.

Tombstone Pizza Vending Machine [Great Moments In Humanity]

Not Pictured: Newborn baby vending machine on the left.

This brings up so many questions:

1. Where is this and why isn't there one next to me right now?
2. Do the pizza's come out in a box?
3. Are they cooked in the machine or refilled manually by a Mexican who hates his life?
4. What if you don't like pepperoni?

Michael Caine Shits The Bed

Michael Caine, in a moment of senility rivaled only by the time Sir Ben Kingsley thought he was working on Goonies and showed up to the set of Gandhi doing his best "truffle shuffle", spilled the beans on the casting of the new Batman villains. From MTVs Splash Page:

“I was with [a Warner Bros.] executive and I said, ‘Are we going to make [a sequel to The Dark Knight]?’ They said yeah. I said, ‘How the hell are we going to top Heath? And he says ‘I’ll tell you how you top Heath — Johnny Depp as The Riddler and Philip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin.’ I said, ‘Shit, they’ve done it again!’” [Laughs]

If this is true, every nerd within ear shot of this statement just creamed their underoos. I hope to the comic book gods it's true, because that would be fucking awesome. I don't even want to think about this too hard or it won't happen. It would be like that time I wished for x-ray vision and just ended up getting arrested.

Would you like to know the day you'll die?

Ghostbusters 3, Sarah Palin, and The End of Times [Morning Roundup]

Ghostbusters 3, Now Chewier

Today we were given further confirmation that a new Ghostbusters movie is in the works. So for all you people who laughed at me for saving on to my proton pack all of these years, suck it.

Pictured: My proton pack on a child of unknown origin.

From the mouth of Harold Ramis:

“yes, columbia is developing a script for GB3 with my year one writing partners, gene stupnitsky and lee eisenberg. judd apatow is co-producing year one and has made several other films for sony, so of course the studio is hoping to tap into some of the same acting talent."

Let's just hope that Apatow's involvement doesn't turn Slimer into a witty stoner. [via /Film]

Weird Foreigner Bails Out Apple

Apple has been facing some legal issues lately due to the true inventor of the MP3 player. A company called Burst is claiming original patents for the technology. Thankfully, they dug up this woman to help them out of this bind.


"His" name is Kane Kramer and in 1979 he created this device:

After convincing his colleagues that this wasn't actually the device and merely a rendering, he named it the IXI. Presumably to confuse a generation of coked out hippies even more.

The IXI could hold a whopping 3.5 minutes of music, which, though perfect for 1979, would barely hold that remix of "Umbrella" you like so much.

"For his pains, Kramer received a consulting fee from Apple and is now negotiating compensation for a copyright he owns on a patent drawing that looks like most any early MP3 player."

Come on, Apple. At least kick the dude an iPhone or something. [via Valleywag]




Sarah Palin Will Kill Your Bratz Doll

For some ungodly reason, a company called HeroBuilders is selling this sexy, sexy doll of our newest VPILF.

Available for $29.95, and a vile of baby tears. [via Gizmodo]






The World Ends Tomorrow, Plan Accordingly


Tomorrow morning, CERN will fire up the Large Hadron Collider (read: ring of death) for the first time and stream it live, here. Watch if you dare. Hide if you must.

Esquire Unveils Amazing Incredibly Lame E-Ink Cover

I'm as big of a fan of E-Ink as anyone, which is to say, no one. But seriously, Esquire, this is the best you could do? The blinking light was revolutionary when Paul Revere used it, not some homo magazine.

Ironic Apparel

I got this shirt in the mail yesterday.
This shirt wins for the following reasons:
- It's ironic.
- It's true.
- It's slightly pretentious.
- For every shirt purchased a Nigerian child gets his wings.

Clearly, I was expecting tons of praise for my hilarious choice in clothing.

"OMG your shirt!! Let me touch it!"

So far, this is all I've gotten:

Cool face...Rosie

If I don't get some legitimate praise soon I'm gonna set this bitch on fire. I mean Michael, not my shirt or my office...that would be silly.