Michael Caine Shits The Bed

Michael Caine, in a moment of senility rivaled only by the time Sir Ben Kingsley thought he was working on Goonies and showed up to the set of Gandhi doing his best "truffle shuffle", spilled the beans on the casting of the new Batman villains. From MTVs Splash Page:

“I was with [a Warner Bros.] executive and I said, ‘Are we going to make [a sequel to The Dark Knight]?’ They said yeah. I said, ‘How the hell are we going to top Heath? And he says ‘I’ll tell you how you top Heath — Johnny Depp as The Riddler and Philip Seymour Hoffman as The Penguin.’ I said, ‘Shit, they’ve done it again!’” [Laughs]

If this is true, every nerd within ear shot of this statement just creamed their underoos. I hope to the comic book gods it's true, because that would be fucking awesome. I don't even want to think about this too hard or it won't happen. It would be like that time I wished for x-ray vision and just ended up getting arrested.

Would you like to know the day you'll die?

Ghostbusters 3, Sarah Palin, and The End of Times [Morning Roundup]

Ghostbusters 3, Now Chewier

Today we were given further confirmation that a new Ghostbusters movie is in the works. So for all you people who laughed at me for saving on to my proton pack all of these years, suck it.

Pictured: My proton pack on a child of unknown origin.

From the mouth of Harold Ramis:

“yes, columbia is developing a script for GB3 with my year one writing partners, gene stupnitsky and lee eisenberg. judd apatow is co-producing year one and has made several other films for sony, so of course the studio is hoping to tap into some of the same acting talent."

Let's just hope that Apatow's involvement doesn't turn Slimer into a witty stoner. [via /Film]

Weird Foreigner Bails Out Apple

Apple has been facing some legal issues lately due to the true inventor of the MP3 player. A company called Burst is claiming original patents for the technology. Thankfully, they dug up this woman to help them out of this bind.


"His" name is Kane Kramer and in 1979 he created this device:

After convincing his colleagues that this wasn't actually the device and merely a rendering, he named it the IXI. Presumably to confuse a generation of coked out hippies even more.

The IXI could hold a whopping 3.5 minutes of music, which, though perfect for 1979, would barely hold that remix of "Umbrella" you like so much.

"For his pains, Kramer received a consulting fee from Apple and is now negotiating compensation for a copyright he owns on a patent drawing that looks like most any early MP3 player."

Come on, Apple. At least kick the dude an iPhone or something. [via Valleywag]




Sarah Palin Will Kill Your Bratz Doll

For some ungodly reason, a company called HeroBuilders is selling this sexy, sexy doll of our newest VPILF.

Available for $29.95, and a vile of baby tears. [via Gizmodo]






The World Ends Tomorrow, Plan Accordingly


Tomorrow morning, CERN will fire up the Large Hadron Collider (read: ring of death) for the first time and stream it live, here. Watch if you dare. Hide if you must.

Esquire Unveils Amazing Incredibly Lame E-Ink Cover

I'm as big of a fan of E-Ink as anyone, which is to say, no one. But seriously, Esquire, this is the best you could do? The blinking light was revolutionary when Paul Revere used it, not some homo magazine.

Ironic Apparel

I got this shirt in the mail yesterday.
This shirt wins for the following reasons:
- It's ironic.
- It's true.
- It's slightly pretentious.
- For every shirt purchased a Nigerian child gets his wings.

Clearly, I was expecting tons of praise for my hilarious choice in clothing.

"OMG your shirt!! Let me touch it!"

So far, this is all I've gotten:

Cool face...Rosie

If I don't get some legitimate praise soon I'm gonna set this bitch on fire. I mean Michael, not my shirt or my office...that would be silly.

Work FTL [Labor Day Edition]

Work sucks, but I don't have to tell you that, do I? Clearly you agree, because most likely you're reading this from your place of employment. What's that? You're reading this from the comfort of your heated bidet? You sir, are disgusting. Please don't come back to my blog.

My demographic.

Now that it's just us, let me proceed. Since Wednesday of this week I have been coming in to work after 12pm, today I came in at 1pm. Tonight I'll probably be here well into the night, possibly spilling in to tomorrow morning. SYMPATHIZE DAMMIT!!

This is roughly how my day breaks down:

15% doing actual work.
50% chatting and reading my various intellectual publications (read: blogs).
5% eating and/or drinking.
30% reading 'Watchmen.'

My younger sister, who at some point in her life surpassed me in awesomeness, is letting me borrow it.

This is no laughing matter you sick bastard.

Believe it or not, this is the first comic book/graphic novel I've ever read and I LOVE IT! It's really incredible how good the story and artwork are. I'm still having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that this was written over 20 years ago. The impetus for me reading this is Zack Snyder's upcoming film adaptation. Good readers, since nearly everything read on the internet should be taken as fact, hear this: Although I'm not even half way through, it's quickly becoming one of my favorite books. If you have any desire to see the movie, READ THIS BOOK.

PixelJunk Eden [Me Likey]

LSD not included.

This is my newest obsession. It's available for download from the PSN (That's Playstation Network for all you "normal" people). PixelJunk Eden is the newest creation from Q-Games, it gives you control of something called a Grimp (Grand + Pimp?) which jumps and swings from various flora and fauna growing through the level. It's incredibly hard to explain, so just take a look for yourself.



That's me playing. The game comes with this great feature that allows you to record gameplay and upload it to youtube directly from the game. If you've got $10 to spare, pick this addictive game up.

Me Wanty [Footwear Edition]

Not Pictured: The avalanche of poon tang that comes with these.

These bad boys are the newest creation from Nike. If there was every any proof of the existence of God, this is it. They're called Hyperdunk 2015's, any self-respecting movie nerd will immediately get the reference. As for the rest of you, too bad.



Geek's everywhere have been clamoring for something like this for nearly 20 years. Personally, I would make sweet, sweet love to these--hey, I wonder if that's how I got that case of athlete's foot...

A few of the geekier touches include:

The midsole has a pink and green hoverboard design, and if you lift it out, there's a flux capacitor logo underneath it on the heel. The tongue of the shoe has orange/red Back to the Future arrows, and three dates and times as they might appear on the Flux capacitor's controller: November 12 (the day the clock was struck by lightning), and two October days, partially obscured by a graphic.

I don't know where or how to get a pair of these, but some day, they will be mine.

[Via Gizmodo]

This Week in Rape Alley

At the end of every week I'll be recapping what happened in Rape Alley. What is rape alley? If you don't know, you've clearly never been out drinking with me.

My office is situated on one side of an alley. What's that? A satellite image of the area would really help you visualize the whole thing?

BAM. What now, mother effers? Yes, that is actually my office. The building across the way is a movie theater. Now, it's not like we're in some remote area of the city. I'm about 100 yards away from Downtown Culver City. Which makes things like this even more mind boggling:

That's the view from outside my window. For some reason, people think that they're in total seclusion in said alley, so they have absolutely no qualms about doing drugs, drinking, vandalizing, and our newest addition: raping.

That pic was snapped earlier this week. The dude was forcefully groping and kissing the victim. I guess rape is a little bit of an exaggeration. It was more of a heavy molesting. But 'heavy molestation alley' doesn't sound quite as good. Also, for as much as she was resisting his advances she seemed oddly in to it. He's probably got money or something.

Yesterday, this happened:

Not Pictured: "To Catch a Predator" crew moving in for the kill.

What took place was possibly the lamest/most unprofessional photo shoot I've ever seen. The crew consisted of that weird dude, that's it. He was using a Kodak point and shoot and was never seen without a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. If I had to guess, which I do, because my urge to guess is nearly as strong as my urge to dance, I would say these pictures are going to be for personal use (read: masturbatory purposes).