All Text Is Created Equal [iPad]

I had a thought yesterday, just one. A thought so grand in its scope and magnitude that it inspired me, nay - demanded of me, to write a semi-serious (read: not scatological) blog post. My thesis in 15 words or less: On the iPad, all text carries the same gravity (or gravitas for the hipsters).

This came up when I did a Google Image search for 'gravitas.' Good enough.

The longer I spend with my iPad, or 'Binky' as I've come to refer to her, the more apparent and meaningful this becomes. An article read from the New York Times for instance, when properly zoomed and occupying the entire screen, looks exactly the same as an article from this blog. Subtle racism and dick jokes aside, of course.

Every site carries with it a certain level of bias. As hard as you may try, you can never completely hide this bias. Slate and Fark, for example, are wildly different in their level of design and professionalism, and this difference may influence how much weight you place on a particular story. On a traditional web experience, you're very aware of where you are. But on the iPad everything except the content simply fades away. Suddenly everything just becomes news. When everything you read looks the same, nothing is more or less important than anything else.

This is why I love my iPad. Plus it's really shiny.

Funemployment

According to that guy (whose ironic usage of the word 'worse' is a brilliant comment on the state of American healthcare and not a retarded spelling mistake), I'm smack in the middle of a loooooong weekend. In a turn of what can only be interpreted as divine intervention, Emily (@emooply) is home "sick" today.

Draw your own conclusions.

This morning we watched a show called THE PACIFIC. The show is executive produced by Tom Hanks and Steven Speilberg, whose World War II fetishes are really starting to sully their bodies of work.

Thinly veiled allegory for Hitler's questionable sexuality.

The reason I'll keep watching though, is because of Joseph "Ghostface Killa" Mazzello. His most notable role, of course, being in the great JURASSIC PARK.

It's a bruised knee, I thought it was a nipple for a second too.

Or, if you're Emily, you'll know him best from a movie called THE CURE.

Sounds awesome.

Since I think all shows should be as awesome as LOST, I've composed my own theory as to what's going on with this island (historical note: The show refers to it as Guadalcanal, not sure how accurate that is). Spoilers: 9 episodes worth of stuff will happen then it'll finally be revealed that this was all a prequel to Jurassic Park...we've been on that island the whole time! Of course it's the 30's or something so none of the cool T-Rex vs. Raptor action has happened yet. Wayne Knight hasn't even been conceived. Maybe we get to see baby John Hammond at the end or something, I haven't fully fleshed it out yet.

Then we made some eggs. Then I ruined Emily's manicure by making her fold her own laundry which I washed and dried.

I fear this day may have already peaked.