She'll be the first real guest we've had stay in our new apartment, unless you count that "friend" of Emily's that stunk up our couch and stole most of our food. I still think it was a homeless dude that took her for a ride.
I thought it would be prudent to compile a list of things I need to do/hide/have surgically removed before she arrives. This will be in an effort to convince her that her daughter isn't dating some loser with a shitty blog.
1. Get morning wood under control.
2. Conceal the 2 packs of baby wipes I keep next to the toilet. I think Emily's mom knows she doesn't have a granddaughter.
3. Stop my morning ritual of blasting "Single Ladies" while I nakedly march to the shower.
4. Get afternoon through evening wood under control.
5. Remove the display of questionable photos of myself from the mantle. It's not my fault I look great sans pants.
6. Realize my dream of shaving a lightning bolt in to the cats fur is never going to happen.
7. Remove the chalk board hanging in the bathroom where I tally how many times a day I have a solid BM. Replace with this:
Poop is funny.9. Stop making lists for myself which ultimately go ignored.
I think I can definitely do at least 3 of these.
Posts
3 comments:
you are such a turd! lol
I was going to comment on how many of these things are on my own ToDo list, but then I noticed one of your tags for this post is "poop," and all I can do is clap aloud at your brilliance.
Thank you, sir.
Post a Comment